I was listening to the lyrics to Bon Jovi's new song "Superman Tonight" and watching the video. I kept thinking of the real life heroes that have crossed my path throughout my life. So I thought I would share some of these great people and my experience.
March 2010 will be forever etched in my memory as one of the hardest points in my life. March 4th was the dreadful day my life changed in an instant. My intuition gave me glimpses that something was about to happen but I don't know if I was ignoring or if I just didn't want to confront what was about to happen. The weeks leading up to that day, I was experiencing mild cramping and occasionally I would even be forced to stop and hold my lower abdomen but the pain would subside after stopping and taking a couple of deep breaths. I didn't think anything of it because I have a bad habit of waiting too long to go pee. The day before I even expressed how nervous about that first prenatal visit. They asked me why and I responded with fears of the baby being in the tubes or something crazy like that. They gave me comfort by telling me, "oh, don't worry you would have lots of pain in your back and abdomen. April everything will be just fine, you'll see." The next day I heard the dreadful words out of my doctor's mouth, "I wish I had better news but we were unable to detect a heartbeat." I sat on the end of the examination table quietly and secretly knowing my baby was gone. Everything else the doctor had to say was sort of a blur. He told us the baby was in perfect position, just sometimes these things happen. How? I sometimes still think of all the possibilities, I imagine that is something that will always be with me, in a way, to prevent another experience like this (Like I really have any control of that).
Now you are probably wondering how this relates to super heroes crossing my path, right? Well, I am getting there, I promise.
So the doctor went over several options on how to handle our situation. Because I was 9 weeks along, I was warned that I would likely experience severe pain and blood loss as I pass the baby. I chose to have a D&C done but I didn't want to jump into that procedure right away. I wanted to be 100% certain that the baby was not alive. March 4th was on a Thursday. I was offered a follow up sonogram the following Monday. That was the longest weekend EVER!!! I was so obsessed. Obsessed with every sensation I was experiencing. Obsessed with going to the bathroom and wiping. Obsessed with the idea that maybe, with prayer, a miracle would occur and there would be a heartbeat come Monday morning. Little did I know that God was listening to everything and watching over me.
As I expected, there was no change on Monday but I was able to see my baby. I even received the one and only picture of my sweet little angel, which I needed for remembrance, coping, and accepting everything. As you might expect, my supportive husband was the main super hero through all of this nightmare. We were inseparable for 10 days following the horrible turn of events. I don't think I would have recovered as well as I have without him. The night before I had the procedure I couldn't sleep. I had these horrible dreams of crying uncontrollably before going in the operating room and then coming out in the fetal position. I didn't have a clue what the day was going to have in store for me. I just knew I wasn't strong enough to go at this all alone.
My husband and son stayed with me up until about 15 minutes before they took me back to the operating room. I held myself together surprisingly well. The experience so far was nothing like my nightmare.
After my husband left my side to take our son to school, I started falling apart. That is when the second super hero crossed my path. There was a nurse that saw me go by on the stretcher and recognized me from nursing school. She stopped by my holding room to see how I was doing and what was happening. After I shared my story, she offered to stay with me until they took me to the back. I was so relieved that she came at just the right time. She helped me cope better with what I was about to go through. She told me she showed up for work and wasn't expected to be there so she didn't have any assignments at that time and that is why she was able to stay with me. I felt so blessed at that moment because I needed someone at the exact moment she walked into my room.
After everything was over, there was a very short time that my husband wasn't with me. I was extremely nervous about what nurse I would have and I didn't really want to be overly emotional with some stranger. That is when super hero number three crossed my path. My recovery nurse was someone that I worked with. She knew me on a personal level and held me tight so that I could let my tears flow. She stayed by my side until my husband showed up. When she wasn't holding me she was holding my hand and simply listening to whatever I would ramble about. She had no idea just how much I needed her emotionally.
Up to this point, there wasn't many friends and family physically there. However, I was amazed by the out pour of concerns via emails, text messaging, and social websites. I had reconnected with people I hadn't seen or heard from in years. These people help me on a daily basis get through this ordeal. I didn't have my laptop for a few days and I was so lost. After about a week, I came home to find a new laptop waiting for me. I asked my husband what in the world did you do? The laptop is not a necessity and why did waste the money? He told me that he didn't see it as a waste because he feels like it's good therapy for me. He felt like it was a great outlet for me. How can I argue with that? To all those I communicate with on here, you are too numerous to count but I also consider you my heroes for keeping me sane through all this.
I was so grateful for the friend, super hero number 4, that stayed to keep my husband company while I was in the operating room and came to visit me in recovery just to be sure I was ok. He asked me the day before if there was anything he could do and I just told him that my husband could probably use some company while I was being worked on. It amazed me that what he was asking wasn't just words, they were heartfelt. I view him a little differently now and he holds a special place in my heart for that.
The last group of super hero's through this ordeal was a couple of nursing school buddies that showed up just when I needed them to. I came home that day and slept off the medication I received. When I woke up, I had two friends show up with goodies for my son, some much needed conversation and, of course, food. Now, remember I said my husband and I were inseparable for 10 days? The first seven of those days we shut ourselves off completely from the world. We did not venture out of the house for anything except essentials. We were way too emotional to talk on the phone so we didn't even answer the phone when it rang. We only communicated via internet and text messaging. My friends had already told me they were stopping by and you could tell they weren't going to take no for an answer. My husband was dreading it but when they arrived there was a huge sense of relief. We had no idea just how much we needed to be reconnected with other people again. They helped us find a way back to reality. They had no intentions of staying very long at all, but I needed them. So you can see how they were my super heroes number 5 & 6.
This is just one experience to point out a few of the people I picture in my life while watching Bon Jovi's video. I don't know if it's because that was such a traumatic experience that connects me to the lyrics or what. I just feel like so many of us don't really realize just how much of an impact we have on those who surround us. These were simple gestures that changed my life completely for the better. As I said before God was listening to my prayers and he was watching over me. He sent me exactly what I needed and when I needed it.
Special thanks to:
Jason (my loving supportive husband), My sweet son Brendan, Carla Standly, Dee Colley, Roberto Cruz, LaDonna Hill, Judy Brown, Cindy McCurley, Christi & Tina Simpkins, Diera Wagner, Angella Ewing, Angela Turner, Arron Strong, Beckie Thomas, Dee Mask, all my Sam's Club family, The Radford Family, all my facebook friends, all my coworkers at GSMC, and most importantly my church family at Rosewood Baptist Church in Gilmer!!!
My precious angel
And the video I was referring to:
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