This is the first time I have have attempted to blog. I pondered over what to write and I thought maybe I should just write this blog like I would a journal. So my next thought is where should I begin? I have been thinking a lot lately about the blessings that have surrounded me throughout my life. I personally have been through so much, just in the past year. So much heartache but so many great moments to be thankful for too. I think I am naturally a negative person and for some reason seek solace in people providing me comfort as I encounter tough situations. I don't want this to be a blog to add to that. I want to focus on the good stuff in my life. I might mention some of the bumps in the road but only to point out just how much I have to be thankful for. So here I go and I hope people can relate and enjoy my posts.
A year ago, at this time, I was finishing up finals in my last semester of nursing school. I still am amazed every single day that I actually completed a long term goal! Anyway, I was so nervous and excited all at the same time about becoming a nurse. This was a major change considering I waited 10 years before returning to college for a degree. I worked in retail for 13 years before I began the nursing program. This was the single most important thing I have ever attempted. I came very close to failing classes on several occasions. I cried several times for several different reasons. One reason was because I felt like I was too old to go back to school. I mean, how in the world was I going to remember everything I learned 10yrs or more ago? Another reason was because I am not the smartest person in the world, so I didn't have a clue how I was going to get through this. I just knew that I wanted to do something more with my life. I felt as if I was put on this earth for a reason and I didn't feel I was living up to that purpose. If I couldn't spend all my time with family, I wanted to have a job where I could help people and make a difference some how, some way. The third reason, I am not a person that makes friends as easily as I would like. I try way too hard to fit in. None of that should matter. I didn't go back to college to "fit in", regardless I found myself desperately wanting and trying to. The last reason for tears was I questioned my decision to make this huge career change on a constant basis. After sinking all the time and money I had, I was worried I made the wrong choice simply because I just never thought I was good enough, smart enough, or fast enough to be the type of nurse I want to be.
Reading up to this point your probably thinking, "ok now I thought you wanted to focus on the blessings?" In order for you all to really appreciate my blessings, you have to hear a little of my mindset and my personality, sorry.
The most important blessing is my husband, who has supported me more than anyone ever has in my life. He questioned my decision to become a nurse from the very beginning. He was on board as long as I found someone that would loan me the money to go. I didn't think I would be able to get a loan by myself without a cosigner. Another blessing was when I, not only did I find a way to get a school loan, was able to get enough to cover my college and daycare cost. My husband was still skeptical about me attempting this because I always came up with ideas but would lose interest and never finish what was started. Even though he was skeptical, he provided an atmosphere for me to succeed. I didn't have to worry about cleaning, cooking, taking care of my son. He did all of that for me because he wanted me to be happy and successful. That was tough! I missed spending quality time with both of them. That was the longest 4 1/2 years of my life but now that I have finished I feel so happy and fulfilled. Yes I am in debt up to my ears and will paying on school loans until God knows when, but I finally feel like I am fulfilling my purpose in life.
Some may read this and think, "why couldn't you be happy with simply being a mother and wife?" or "how could you not feel fulfilled with the supportive husband you already had and your child?" The only way I know to explain this is I felt like I was on autopilot. I did the same job everyday and I didn't particularly like the job. I worked opposite shifts from my husband so there wasn't much "family time", which left me feeling disconnected. I am a talkative, open, and pretty honest person, which is some of the reason why it is hard for me to make friends easily. Most people prefer quiet, reserved but friendly type. I am friendly enough but I am far from quiet and I have found that tends to get on people's nerves more than anything. (At least it seems that way for the people I have to spend any length of time with) I have a lot more quality time with my husband and child now. I work long shifts which leaves me with more days off to spend time with the two most important people in my life. So, does it make sense that now I feel more complete? I have a great job that leaves me feeling happy for so many reasons. I have the time I was missing from my family. I get to connect and possibly make a difference through the care I provide. I no longer have to worry about "fitting in" because those that matter most love, support and accept me for how I am and who I am no matter what.
I hope you enjoy this post and can relate in some way. I have many more insights to share in the future.
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